LHSAA protocols adding to anxiety of football coaches

Have you ever felt like Alice after she fell in the rabbit hole?
I really think I am beginning to understand what she felt like after I sat down and actually read the game day protocols put in place by the LHSAA for the upcoming football season.
Before I begin to break down those protocols in a diligent (ok, maybe sarcastic) manner, let me first say a couple of things.
First, I understand the need to keep players as safe as possible. This virus is not something to take lightly and it does affect different people different ways.
Secondly, no offense to those readers who work in the legal field, but this country has become a litigious society to the nth degree. So, I also can understand the need for the LHSAA, school systems and school personnel to protect themselves from any unwanted lawsuits.
With that being said, let’s delve into those protocols and analyze them in a prudent (cough, cough) manner.
There is no doubt that some of the guidelines and protocols are important and needed. For example, the team box on the sideline has been extended by 10 yards on either side.
This allows players to social distance while not on the field playing. Coaches will like it more because they can now be in the red zone, making it easier to communicate with his team in crucial situations.
However, some of the protocols make you want to bang your head on a wall.
One of those protocols involves the wearing of masks by players. According to the LHSAA, if you are not in the game, you must have a mask on.
That maybe good for those that do not get in the game, but what about those players that are in and out of the contest on a regular basis?
Imagine this scenario. A player comes out of the game, has to take off his helmet, put on a mask, only to have to take it off and put his helmet back on because he is re-entering the game a play later.
Number one, what is the purpose of making that player put on a mask just to take it right back off? Number two, who is going to be responsible for holding the masks of the players on the field and how will that person know whose mask is whose?
Another protocol dictates that players should sanitize their mouthpieces every time they touch them. Really!!???
Do you know how many times a player takes his mouthpiece in and out of his mouth during the course of a game?
Oh, and by the way, if that player gets his mouthpiece full of grass, dirt and mud, they will have to live with it because they will not be allowed to rinse them off!! Let that sink in for a minute.
Here is another interesting protocol. Balls have to be sanitized throughout the game. So, a ball that has been in play, touched by players for two or three plays has to be sanitized just to go back into the game?
Ball boys get your sanitizing solution guns ready.
Forget about celebrating a touchdown, a great tackle or any memorable play. According to protocol, “coaches must assist to facilitate in the reduction of handshakes, high fives and fist bumps”.
Better start practicing the air hugs!!!
Parents and fans, you will have to wait to give love to your favorite player at home, as there will be no post-game gathering around the team. So, celebrate the win with social distancing!!!
These are just some of the protocols addressed by the LHSAA in their memo on Monday. There are others. Some needed and some, well let’s just say, questionable.
Right now I wish I were a pharmacist. Because with all of the protocols that have to be followed and everything else coaches have to see about, the anxiety level of those coaches will be through the roof.
Prozac, anyone!!